I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Pants are for mortals
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
