Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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