She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you win again, gameday.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize