why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
