Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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