apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
