I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I know her cup size but not her name....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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