the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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