i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sober January is a disaster.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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