Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
