As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
