dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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