It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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