Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
