sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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