I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So much rum. So many feels.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
