does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
