i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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