He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
