margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
