You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
