I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
