I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
