I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
