just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
