You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
