erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
