yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
