He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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