So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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