she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
