I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Jerry, you need to find god
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
