allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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