Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Alive.
So much puke
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
