recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
