No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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