I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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