I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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