Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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