my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
