He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
