perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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