i barfeds in our rink
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
