if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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