I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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