Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
