I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
