And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
