I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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