8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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