Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
