I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
