I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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