If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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