You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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