laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
