will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
my liver is dry heaving
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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